I dreamt Wednesday night of Tracy and I having a baby girl. She almost instantly began talking, actively observing her world, asking for Mommy, indicating that she was hungry. I asked with wonder whether she was just a really, really smart baby or if she was possessed. And she answered that she was possessed. I remember her also talking about having a brother, and something about there being another entity of herself in Japan, that might create some difficulty for her if they were together at the same time.
I was more captivated and curious than fearful, though somewhat horrified at the idea that our daughter was not getting the opportunity to grow into her own body. I thought I might spend some time on release, but even that is tricky when a body so young hosts an entity.
Later, in waking thought, I began to wonder what it would be like to gain a complete awareness of inhabiting flesh, if we came into the knowledge that we are all simply spirits inhabitating these bags of flesh. I have become too attached to the comforts of mine, such that even cold showers are almost too much to bear when I know I have the hot water a turn away. I do not know what the path to a unified awareness is, especially since just watching the nurse dig around in my arm today for a vein almost made me shudder. Perhaps the first step comes from a complete awareness of the pain, the same way that overcoming fear requires first embracing the fear, rather than numbing myself to it.
Coach Lawless talked about the importance, in a race situation, of experiencing every moment of pain, and I think I understand what he meant. Experiencing the body on that level allows you to pour even more spirit into the doing. I wonder what it would be like to know that sense of existence, completely present in the moment, beyond the muscular level, beyond the cellular, beyond the mathematics and physics even of quarks and isospin. I wonder, in that context, what it will be like to experience life as a human once we understand string theory as a commonly taught physics. Maybe, by the time that comes around, everyone will understand ourselves at least as quantum beings, probabalistic by nature, in this probablistic universe, all the while, in the physics, better understanding the divine.
This is one of the aspects of religion that frightens me most - how malleable it is to the most depraved and selfish needs of men, especially those who issue fatwahs, whether Khomeini or Pat Robertson, or create a culture of greed for power and authority, as the Roman tradition, or wealth, as in Jerry Falwell's or other materially focused modern Pharisees. And how much, in keeping a hold on the tenuous and fearful reality those men (and women, because I would be wont to leave Ramtha out of the picture here) use to manipulate others, we are prevented from realizing our present mythology. Here, I give some kudos to "Ramtha" but wish the knowledge were propogated for knowledge sake, not material gain or some theater of the mind.
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