One of the most profound things for me about taking Straterra is looking back at life through the lens of illness rather than character defect.
My frustrations with the world began at an early age, with inability to focus, unless under extreme pressure, making procrastination and the adrenaline rush it provided an addiction. With no other feedback stimulus, other than adrenaline and relief, or knowing that you'd at least done better than the other guy, my life has become numbed, like a pavlovian dog, expecting stimuli of pain and defeat as part of the process.
The process if definitely evolutionary, but pretty quick.
I feel different. I am having awareness and joy and sensations that I have known to exist but have never experienced.
It can be overwhelming at times, and has forced me to give my brain time to simply relax, but the journey is amazing.
I'm realizing that all the periods in my life when I felt manic were actually a more normal me, focused, lucid, that it felt surreal.
It's helping me become a more integrated self, which involves some ego deaths, but I am pretty impressed by the advances in psychiatric medicine.
2008 will be an amazing year.
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