As I was walking past the scary part of the woods, I started breathing to calm my nerves, locked as I was in an increasingly psychicly vivid existential struggle of my own. This part of the woods is death and life intermingle most closely, the tangle of thanatos and libido at their most balanced, the swamp, full of dead trees.
And I made the most wonderful discovery - I can get my pulse rate up by holding my breath when I walk, and try to withstand that falsehood of desire, pushing the balance of lactic acid build up. I can't wait to get to the point where I can go anaerobic again.
It dawned on me tonight that I've been through nearly a dozen medium to major life transitions within twelve months. I will have lived in five different locations, officed out of four different spaces, gotten out of one company, started another, hired employees, fixed a completely failed project, implemented a completely new process and information technology infrastructure, fired employees, gotten married, sold a house, bought a house, facing the possibility of legal action as we pondered whether or not to stay in or out, driven half way across the country twice.
I think I earned the twenty pounds I've put on - it probably shielded me on some level from having a nervous breakdown.
But now it is time to heal my achilles tendons and shoulders and get back to dancing among the fields of the Lord.